The point is this. Most people want to continue to experience sexual fulfillment and romance in their natural spontaneous states as they existed in the infatuation stage of the relationship. A few people do, but they are in the distinct minority. Most people find both attributes becoming more and more dull as time passes in a committed relationship. Some of these people find ways to artificially rejuvenate sex and romance. This takes quite a bit of work and most people have a very hard time committing the time and scarce resources to this endeavor when the realities of work, family and other responsibilities take their emotional toll. Yet they continue to aspire to the spontaneous and natural states of sex and romance. They devote a great deal of energy and therefore frequently feel a little cheated when there are relatively small returns on their considerable investment . To make matters worse these same people are likely to become tickled by someone else for whom the natural expression of romance and sex is obviously present. This becomes are real threat to the stability of the committed relationship.
Since most people still want to experience romance and sex on a natural and spontaneous basis and are often willing to take on this endeavor, we face a strange paradox. How do we work towards something when what we want must be natural and spontaneous?
I think the answer lies in the pursuit of INTIMACY rather than the feelings of romance and sexual fulfillment.
Think of it this way. Romance and Sexuality has a certain size, shape and color in its natural spontaneous state. Once these attributes start to fade the very attempts to rejuvenate it work against achieving it because it is no longer natural and spontaneous. There are a number of so called remedies for enhancing the life of an intimate relationships, but they are superficial, mechanical and promise a lot more than they can actually deliver. These techniques are all aimed at re-cultivating something like the original feelings of romance and sexual fulfillment, lending legitimacy and professional acumen to the search for this holy grail. But again, working to this end raises the paradox of working for something which is supposed to be natural.
Rather than working toward romance and sexual fulfillment men and women should be working towards the realization of intimacy, something which CAN be worked on without regard to being natural or unnatural. People intend to be intimate. They are willing to take deliberate steps to bring about an intimate climate which may or may not be experienced as romantic or eventually sexual. By working towards intimacy we can set the stage for some other kind of romance or sexuality.
Working on generating intimacy, the conditions are set to experience a slightly different type of romance and sexuality. Thinking back to our analogy, we could say we now have the size and shape of romance and sex, but not the same color. The color of this romance and sex has a slightly different hue than the original because it is the kind of romance and sex that comes from the pursuit of intimacy not the serendipitous kind which is characterized by romance and sex during the infatuation phase of a relationship.